


and just in time, we drift away (crash)

by sxftmelody



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/F, Homophobia, lipsoul are oblivious, side 2jin, side [blank], side chuuves, side viseul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxftmelody/pseuds/sxftmelody
Summary: “How come you’ve waited so long to tell me?”“I didn’t want to lose you,”“Well, you ended up losing me, anyway,”





	and just in time, we drift away (crash)

**Author's Note:**

> in this au, jinsoul and jungeun are in the same grade but jinsoul's older by a year.

_**it's been a few years with more to come** _

 

Fourth grader Kim Jungeun sits alone beneath the slides at recess on her first day.

 

She has a rubix cube held in her hand with the instruction manual on her lap, eyes scanning over the page, trying to make sense of all the directions. She’s reading the manual when her attention shifts as she hears a shuffle to her left. Looking up, Jungeun spots a tall girl peeking her head beneath the slide, looking right at Jungeun.

 

“Ah! You’re the new girl, aren’t you?” the girl asks curiously with a smile on her face, moving forward and taking a seat next to Jungeun. Jungeun nods shyly, looking down at her lap. She doesn’t recognize the girl from class, so she must be in one of the other classes.

 

“My name’s Jinsoul! What’s your name?”

 

“Jungeun,” the smaller girl answers quietly, refusing to keep eye contact with Jinsoul. She focuses on the puzzle in her hand, trying to remember what step she had left off on.

 

“What are you playing with?”

 

“A rubix cube,” Jungeun says, trying hard not to let the girl’s close proximity bother her as she reads the manual.

 

Jinsoul watches quietly as the new girl takes nearly all of recess to solve the puzzle.

 

Once she does, though, Jinsoul claps with shining eyes, “You did it!”

 

Jungeun blushes and, in a random burst of courage, holds the cube out to Jinsoul, “You can mess it up for me.”

 

“Really?” Jinsoul’s eyes widen, “But you **just** solved it.”

 

“I need someone to mess it up so I can solve it again,” Jungeun explains, feeling a warmth gather up at the tips of her ears.

 

Jinsoul takes the cube from her hesitantly before twisting and turning the sides, effectively mixing everything up.

 

-

 

For the next few weeks, Jinsoul and Jungeun sit beneath the slide and talk as Jungeun tries to solve the rubix cube without the manual’s help. It doesn’t take long before Jungeun has the patterns necessary to solve the cube memorized. That’s when Jinsoul decides she wants to try solving the cube, too.

 

“You can help me,” Jinsoul says, taking the scrambled cube from Jungeun’s hands, holding it out in front of her, “Okay, what do I do first?”

 

Jungeun stares at her new friend for a couple of seconds, blinks, and then begins to smile.

 

“Okay, first you have to…”

 

-

 

Jungeun ends up gifting her rubix cube to Jinsoul, who takes it after Jungeun has to physically **shove** it into her hands.

 

“Fine, but if you’re giving this to me, you have to make it **special** ,” Jinsoul says, pulling out a marker from her backpack.

 

“What do you mean?” Jungeun questions.

 

“This looks like **every other** rubix cube out there!” she hands the marker to Jungeun, “Draw something on it!”

 

Jungeun isn’t sure how friendships work, but she thinks that this is a good start.

 

—

 

Jinsoul isn’t as shy as Jungeun, and this really helps with Jungeun’s social awkwardness.

 

In middle school, Jinsoul’s the one that drags Jungeun to the dances and the various clubs held after school.

 

“It’ll be fun!” Jinsoul says as she forces Jungeun to join the volleyball team with her.

 

It is fun, Jungeun realizes, and she and Jinsoul are actually competent enough at the sport to keep the ball up for more than four hits. Jinsoul makes her try cross country, too, but Jungeun gives **that** up after a few practices.

 

“Long distance running just isn’t for me, Jinsoul,” Jungeun reasons with her as they walk home together.

 

“The season’s only **just** started,” Jinsoul tries to argue with Jungeun, “At least come to the first meet!”

 

Jungeun sighs and stares at her best friend who’s grown (literally and figuratively) so much since she’s first met her under the slide. Jinsoul’s facial features are already sharper than they had been a couple of years ago, and it makes Jungeun wonder briefly how beautiful Jinsoul’s going to be when she’s actually in high school. She makes the thought disappear almost as quickly as it had come.

 

“Fine,” Jungeun gives in, “ **one** meet.”

 

Jinsoul squeals and jumps before placing a sloppy kiss on Jungeun’s cheek. Jungeun cringes and pushes her away gently, but there’s a growing smile on her lips.

 

_The things she’d do for this girl…_

 

—

 

Everyone knows it’s Jinsoul and Jungeun, Jungeun and Jinsoul. No one questions their friendship despite the two seeming a bit odd for a pair of best friends; one girl who is popular and outgoing whilst another who isn’t as popular and as outgoing.

 

Even starting high school, it’s Jinsoul and Jungeun. With luck on their side, they have most of their classes together and are quick to make new friends.

 

Jinsoul tries out for the cross country team whilst Jungeun tries out for the volleyball team, although a bit reluctantly.

 

“You should definitely try for the volleyball team!” Jinsoul encourages her as they sit on the sidewalk just outside of Jungeun’s house, “I know how much you liked it when we were in middle school.”

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Jungeun shrugs her shoulders. She doesn’t want to admit that she’s too scared to try out and meet all the new girls on the team (and also that she’s too scared to be separated from the only person she feels safe around), but Jinsoul knows her best and knows that this is how she feels without Jungeun even having to say anything.

 

A shoulder nudges Jungeun’s, “Hey, look at me,” Jinsoul says quietly.

 

Jungeun does as she’s told and is greeted by Jinsoul’s warm, reassuring eyes.

 

“You’ll do great,” she says with a smile, “we can cheer each other on, too! I’ll go to your games and you can go to my meets. That’d be cool, yeah?”

 

Jungeun swears Jinsoul’s smile is contagious or something, because she feels her chest become lighter and her lips start to curve up.

 

“Yeah,” the younger one nods.

 

-

 

Jungeun does end up making the volleyball team and Jinsoul makes the cross country team.

 

As promised, they’re each other’s personal cheerleaders at meets and games, cheering each other on (with Jinsoul being **much** louder than Jungeun with her cheers).

 

Although scary at first, Jungeun’s glad that she’s branched out. She manages to become good friends with two other girls on the team; Hyunjin and Heejin. The two are like Jinsoul and Jungeun in a way; always attached at the hips, but Jungeun never finds herself feeling awkwardly third-wheeling in their presence. In fact, she always feels more than welcomed around the two girls.

 

Jinsoul, on the other hand, is loved by her whole team (as expected, really). Though loved by all, she becomes close to two girls named Sooyoung and Haseul. Eventually, worlds collide and they all end up becoming a part of the track team for the remaining two sports seasons of their freshman year. Their group spends every day together after school; before practice, at practice, and sometimes even after practice. More often than not, Jungeun finds herself sitting next to Jinsoul every time they’re at a hangout.

 

Jungeun knows she isn’t dependent on Jinsoul, not like she had been in middle school, but she can’t help but gravitate towards the older girl every time they’re near.

 

-

 

Haseul had once asked Jinsoul how long she and Jungeun had been together.

 

“Since forever,” Jinsoul grins, obviously not realizing that Haseul had meant it **that** way. Jungeun finds it endearing; how clueless Jinsoul is, and shakes her head. She makes eye contact with Haseul, who’s raising an eyebrow.

 

“We’re both single,” Jungeun clarifies.

 

“ _Oh!_ ” Jinsoul’s mouth opens into the shape of an ‘o’, “You meant, like, _relationship-wise_!”

 

The group laughs at Jinsoul’s obliviousness.

 

That had been the only time something regarding Jinsoul and Jungeun’s relationship had come up and, to be honest, Jungeun’s subconscious might have purposefully buried the memory deep inside of her, never to be thought about ever again. Why?

 

Jungeun doesn’t want to think about it.

 

—

 

Freshman year goes by like a blur and sophomore year goes by even quicker. The workload hasn’t hit them in the face yet, but they’re slowly but surely realizing that high school isn’t just all fun and games. Because of their schedules becoming busier and busier, Jungeun has to stop her guitar and violin lessons, only choosing to keep her piano lessons.

 

“That’s a shame,” Jinsoul pouts as Jungeun tells her about the situation, “I know how much you love playing those instruments.”

 

“I can still **play** them,” Jungeun laughs, “I just won’t go to lessons or recitals anymore.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you get what I mean,” Jinsoul shoves Jungeun’s shoulder lightly before pointing to the keyboard in Jungeun’s room, “play something for me?”

 

Jungeun sighs exaggeratedly and gets up from the bed, “What do you want me to play?”

 

“Surprise me,” Jinsoul hums, following the younger girl and sitting next to her on the seat.

 

As soon as Jungeun starts playing the melody of Big Bang’s ‘Haru Haru’, Jinsoul squeals and breaks out into a large smile.

 

“My favorite!” she says, watching Jungeun’s fingers move across the black and white keys.

 

“Why do you think I’m playing it?” Jungeun mumbles quietly, starting to smile when Jinsoul tries to attempt the rap part, “You’re off-beat. How are you off-beat? I’m playing the melody part out for you.”

 

“Shut up!” Jinsoul laughs, poking Jungeun’s side. Jungeun hits the wrong key because of that but is quick to get back on track.

 

Jungeun can feel Jinsoul’s eyes moving from her fingers to her face and feels her ears start to warm up when Jinsoul’s eyes linger on her face longer than they had with her hands.

 

At the end of the song, Jinsoul claps and cheers her on. Jungeun has to shush her because she doesn’t want to bother her family members with being too loud. Jinsoul only smiles with a twinkle in her eyes as Jungeun clasps a hand over her mouth.

 

—

 

It’s the night after their last day of school as sophomores and Jungeun’s laying on Jinsoul’s bed, because they always have celebratory sleepovers after the last day of school. The two of them had just finished getting ready for bed and Jinsoul lifts the blanket to get comfortable next to Jungeun. Jungeun shifts her body so Jinsoul can move closer and she goes back to scrolling through her phone after Jinsoul stops moving.

 

A few moments later, Jinsoul says something that makes Jungeun’s breath hitch.

 

“Sooyoung’s gay,” she says randomly. There was no preface to that comment, nothing that really could’ve triggered that to come up as a topic (they hadn’t even said anything to each other yet), so it catches Jungeun by surprise.

 

“Huh?” she looks over to her friend, locking her phone and setting it down so she can give Jinsoul her full attention, “Why did you suddenly bring that up?”

 

Jinsoul keeps her eyes focuses up at the ceiling, “No reason, really. I just… we’ve never really met anyone who’s been **open** about that, you know? Besides, she told us as if it were nothing.”

 

(Sooyoung had told them almost a week ago, actually, which is part of the reason why Jungeun’s confused that Jinsoul’s suddenly brought it up again. Jungeun didn’t have much of a reaction to it, she’d always thought Sooyoung had a **thing** for one of the girls on the volleyball team, so she wasn’t surprised.)

 

“Ah, I guess,” Jungeun murmurs, feeling like Jinsoul’s holding back something as she scans the girl’s face before looking up at the ceiling.

 

“What do you think about that?” Jinsoul questions. It comes out as a whisper.

 

“About being gay?” Jungeun asks as clarification. Jinsoul hums.

 

The younger girl fidgets, trying to come up with the words to reply. She’s never really thought about **that** at all—at least, not in **depth** —and she feels her heartbeat start to pick up. She frowns at this and wonders fleetingly why she’s so panicked about it all of a sudden, “I don’t know. I guess I think it’s… fine? Why do you ask?”

 

“Okay, well…” Jinsoul sounds nervous. She **never** sounds nervous. It makes the frown on Jungeun’s face deepen.

 

Feeling like this conversation is taking a more serious turn, Jungeun sits up and looks over to the other girl, who also starts to sit up.

 

“What is it, Jinsoul?” Jungeun asks quietly into the darkness.

 

Jinsoul looks down at her lap, fiddling with the blanket, “How would you feel if… if **I** was gay?”

 

Jungeun’s eyes widen. There’s a moment of silence between them as the words sink in, settling and processing.

 

The air is still, as if they’re both holding their breaths.

 

“ **Hypothetically** ,” Jinsoul whispers hurriedly, trying to salvage the mood, “purely hypothetical.”

 

“I don’t think you mean it as a hypothetical, Jinsoul,” Jungeun sees right through her best friend, who deflates upon hearing Jungeun’s response. She feels her heart become heavier at the girl’s reaction, “When… how long have you known?”

 

“I think I’ve always known,” Jinsoul’s voice quivers and, when she starts sniffling, Jungeun’s heart skips a beat at the noise, “I’ve always just been too scared to admit it.”

 

“Hey… Why are you crying? Please don’t cry,” Jungeun shuffles her body forward and reaches for Jinsoul’s hands, “You’re still the same Jinsoul I know and love, you know that, right?”

 

Jinsoul lets out a little whimper and nods, lowering her head so her hair covers her face. Jungeun uses her free hand to move the girl’s hair away, tucking it behind her ear as she tries to make eye contact with her by also lowering her head.

 

“Hey,” Jungeun whispers, smiling softly when Jinsoul’s eyes meet hers, “I’m glad you told me.”

 

“You don’t think I’m disgusting?” Jinsoul’s eyes avert once more.

 

“What? Of course not,” Jungeun frowns, a bit hurt that Jinsoul would even think that.

 

(She pushes her own hurt to the side because she thinks that Jinsoul’s rational for thinking that way; not everyone in the world is accepting of this.)

 

Jungeun squeezes Jinsoul’s hands, “Well, to be honest, I only think you’re disgusting when you try to act cute around me, but _that’s_ a different story.”

 

Jinsoul weakly smacks at Jungeun’s thigh, but Jungeun can see the smile on her lips.

 

... 

 

“Look at me, Jinsoul,” Jungeun says quietly, heart breaking when she sees the tears welling up in her friend’s eyes, “you’re **not** disgusting. You’re still Jung Jinsoul; my best friend.”

 

A pause.

 

And then Jinsoul moves forward, wrapping her arms around Jungeun’s shoulders and burying her face into the girl’s neck.

 

“Thank you,” she mumbles, her voice muffled by Jungeun’s shirt. Jungeun circles her arms around Jinsoul’s waist as she hums, tightening her hold on the girl.

 

“I love you,” Jungeun replies. Jinsoul sniffles before she replies with:

 

“I love you, too.”

 

—

 

Jungeun isn’t sure why, but she’s been **hyperaware** about the way Jinsoul’s been acting around her. She doesn’t want to be **that** person that changes because their best friend has come out to them, but Jungeun **swears** isn’t overreacting when she says that Jinsoul’s been acting differently around her.

 

It’s been a couple of months since Jinsoul had come out to her, meaning it’s the start of Junior year now.

 

Maybe it’s the sudden difference of workload hitting them in the face, but she hasn’t been able to see Jinsoul as much as she used to. To be honest, it feels like Jinsoul’s actually been avoiding her; telling Jungeun that she’s studying or that she already has plans every single time Jungeun asks to hang out.

 

Hell, Jinsoul even misses Jungeun’s first home volleyball game of the season. Jinsoul **never** misses any of Jungeun’s games if she can help it, **especially** not the first home game.

 

Jungeun’s captain this year and Jinsoul had been so excited when she first told her about it last year, there was no way she’d skip out on this… right?

 

Jungeun had initially thought that Jinsoul would come without telling her, to surprise her, but not seeing the familiar beauty in the crowd makes something inside of her ache. Her eyes scan the people in the bleachers, but she fails to find her friend.

 

Her stomach drops in disappointment and she has to convince herself that there’s dust in her eyes that’s making her tear up.

 

-

 

It isn’t a good game for Jungeun; she can’t focus at all and her coach yells at her afterwards for playing so badly, saying she’d never get a scholarship if she doesn’t start to play correctly.

 

As she walks tiredly out of the gym with her backpack and duffel bag, mood the worst it’s been in a while, she fishes her phone out of her bag.

 

There’s a Snapchat notification from Jinsoul that had been sent twenty minutes ago. Jungeun nearly drops her phone as she hurries to open it.

 

It’s just a picture meant for streaks, but Jungeun frowns upon recognizing who the girl’s with; Sooyoung. And **just** Sooyoung. It’s a picture of Sooyoung sitting across from Jinsoul at a small table. There are two cups of frozen yogurt in front of Sooyoung as the girl holds up a peace sign and smiles at the camera.

 

Jungeun clicks out of the app.

 

She walks home dejectedly, trying not to feel **too** disappointed. She doesn’t want to be the clingy best friend, but she can’t help but feel a little hurt. Jinsoul could’ve at least **told** Jungeun she wasn’t going to the game… or that she had other plans. Jungeun had even texted her earlier that day asking if she was going but had gotten no response.

 

Jungeun decides to just chalk it down to the fact that Jinsoul didn’t see her notification, trying to push the bad feeling in her stomach away.

 

Once she’s home, Jungeun heads to bed immediately after showering, not even bothering to come down for dinner. She types out a message to Jinsoul, asking if she’s done something wrong to make Jinsoul avoid her, but she quickly deletes it and locks her phone. She’s probably just overthinking.

 

-

 

She doesn’t sleep until two in the morning.

 

—

 

Jinsoul’s first home meet is today and Jungeun debates on whether or not she should go. The only reason she knows it’s today is because Haseul had said so in their group chat (yes, they have a group chat). Usually, Jinsoul would be threatening Jungeun to come and cheer her on, but they haven’t texted in **days** and it’s starting to really worry Jungeun.

 

She wants to text Jinsoul and go back to the way things were their freshman year, but she always second-guesses her actions and deletes whatever message she’s had typed out. Today is no different.

 

They’ve taken different classes their Junior year, so Jungeun can’t even talk to her in school let alone outside of school. Over text is Jungeun’s only chance to speak to Jinsoul.

 

-

 

It’s during lunch that Jungeun decides to just swallow the nervousness and push away her insecure thoughts, texting Jinsoul first.

 

**[jungie]: hey, first meet today, right? do u want me to come?**

 

Three dots pop up, indicating that Jinsoul’s replying back. Jungeun lets out a small breath of relief.

 

**[jinsoulie]: yeah! and, sure, if u want**

 

Jungeun frowns. What’s up with that response? Usually Jinsoul would send about a hundred heart emojis, begging for Jungeun to cheer her on.

 

She bites at her lip.

 

**[jungie]: did i do something wrong?**

 

 _Fuck_ . She meant to hit the **delete** button, not the **send** button.

 

**[jinsoulie]: ??? what? what do u mean?**

 

Jungeun feels her heart stop as she reads the message. Her heart feels as if it’s being weighed down by an anchor.

 

**[jungie]: nothing. nevermind**

 

-

 

She walks home after practice that day and tries not to look at the track field where the cross country team is gathered, ignores the laughter that comes from their direction.

 

—

 

Jinsoul’s been hanging out **a lot** more with Sooyoung nowadays and it’s gotten to a point where Jungeun’s had to stop looking at the girl’s Snapchat story. Maybe it’s petty, but she’d rather not see the two hanging out and having fun when it just puts her in a bad mood. Not to mention track season is coming up, which only means that they’ll see each other **everyday.**

 

To be honest, they haven’t even seen much of each other **at all** this school year.

 

That is, until Haseul decides it’s time for them to have a group hangout at her house.

 

**[bread]: oh god, does that mean we have to see your little sister?**

**[dancing queen]: don’t be mean!**

**[momseul]: it’s okay. i would have that same reaction, too**

**[soo]: oof!**

**[momseul]: but seriously!! my house after school on friday. it’s the only day we’ll have off before track season is up and runnin. sound like a plan?**

**[bread]: ugh sure**

**[dancing queen]: i’ll be thereee**

**[soo]: let me check my schedule first**

**[soo]: my schedule’s empty. i’ll go**

**[momseul]: where the hell are jungeun and jinsoul?**

**[bread]: making out?**

**[jungie]: not making out.**

**[jungie]: i suppose i’ll go**

**[momseul]: yay!! jinsoul? where you at?**

**[soulie]: oop! sorry my phone was on silent**

**[soulie]: count me in**

**[momseul]: weeee!! we got the whole gang!**

 

-

 

When Jungeun arrives, everyone’s already there. Haseul opens the door for her with a wide smile.

 

“Jungeun! We were beginning to think you’d ditch us,” Haseul ushers her in and Jungeun looks over to her friends that are sat on the ground of the living room with a Jenga tower in the middle of them.

 

“I wouldn’t ditch you guys,” Jungeun responds as she slips out of her shoes, walking towards the group and choosing to sit next to Hyunjin and Haseul. She makes eye contact with Jinsoul for half a second as she sits before looking away because Sooyoung squeals. Jungeun catches a glimpse of the Jenga tower tumbling down.

 

“I hate this game,” Sooyoung huffs, “let’s play something different.”

 

“You just suck at the game,” Hyunjin replies with a laugh. She then turns her attention and smiles at Jungeun, ruffling the girl’s hair, “Where were **you**?”

 

Jungeun scowls and smacks Hyunjin’s hand away, fixing her now-messy hair, “I went home to shower before I came here.”

 

“For why?” Heejin laughs, “All we did was go to school.”

 

“I was conditioning,” Jungeun grumbles.

 

“Oh!” Hyunjin’s eyes light up, “For that camp you’re going to?”

 

“Camp?” Haseul enters the conversation, “What camp?”

 

Jungeun looks around the group and finds all eyes on her, she blinks, “I got accepted into a volleyball camp that starts next week.”

 

“That’s amazing!” Haseul grins widely, “What’re you going to do there?”

 

Jungeun shrugs, feeling the tips of her ears heat up at the spotlight being pointed at her, “Play volleyball… I don’t know. I heard it’s easier to get a scholarship if I go there.”

 

“You want to play volleyball in college?” Sooyoung asks, a smile on her lips. Jungeun looks down at her lap.

 

“I mean… with my grades, the only scholarships I’ll be getting will be through sports,” she explains, “anyway, the camp isn’t that prestigious.”

 

“Yes, it is,” Hyunjin scoffs, patting Jungeun on the back, “I’m proud you got in, Jungeun!”

 

Jungeun lets out a small smile and is glad when the topic changes. She can’t help but feel disappointment bubbling in her stomach at the fact that Jinsoul hadn’t said a single word throughout that whole exchange.

 

-

 

“I’m gonna go now,” Jungeun announces as she peeks at the time on her phone. They’re all sat around Haseul’s room; some of them on the bed and some of them on the floor as they watch a movie, “I gotta walk so I don’t wanna get back too late.”

 

“What? You’re **walking**?” Haseul asks worriedly, looking up at the girl who begins to gather her things.

 

“Yeah, it’s not that far of a walk,” Jungeun smiles reassuringly, “I can **run** home, if that’ll make you feel better?”

 

The snark in Jungeun’s comment makes Haseul throw a plushie at her. Jungeun laughs and tosses the plushie back at Haseul, “I’ll text the group when I’m home.”

 

It’s then that Jinsoul clears her throat, “I can drive you home.”

 

Jungeun’s eyes widen, “What? No, you don’t have to do that. It’s fine.”

 

“Nah, it’s cool. I have to get going, anyway. I have family visiting tomorrow so I don’t wanna get home late.”

 

Jinsoul’s already up from the floor before Jungeun can say anything else. Next thing she knows, they’re sat in Jinsoul’s car with an awkward silence between them.

 

It’s **never** been awkward between them before.

 

Clearly, **something** has changed; but Jungeun can’t pinpoint **what** that _something_ is.

 

“So, the camp,” Jinsoul tries to start up a conversation as she peels out of the driveway, “how’d that happen?”

 

And as much as Jungeun wants to desperately go back to how they once were, to just answer Jinsoul’s question as if they haven’t spoken in months, she can’t.

 

She looks out the window and gulps down the lump in her throat.

 

…

 

“Did I do something wrong?” she finally asks, finally saying the words that she had previously texted to Jinsoul weeks prior. She barely gets the question out above a whisper, but Jinsoul hears her.

 

She doesn’t dare look at Jinsoul’s reaction, but the silence that follows afterwards is deafening.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know what I mean,” Jungeun murmurs, “you’ve been avoiding me. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve done something wrong—”

 

“You haven’t,” Jinsoul cuts her off. Jungeun looks over to her in surprise and eyes the white teeth biting down on pale lips, “you haven’t done anything wrong.”

 

“Then… why have you been avoiding me?” the amount of hurt in Jungeun’s tone surprises herself, she chides herself mentally for already starting to tear up but it’s been so long and she’s **really** missed Jinsoul, “I thought it was just because we’ve had so much schoolwork… but that’s not it because you’ve been out almost every day with Sooyoung… or with Haseul, so…”

 

Jungeun’s never been one to deal with confrontations; she’d much rather avoid confrontations at all costs, but she **has** to get answers this time.

 

“I…” Jinsoul sighs, “I can’t tell you why.”

 

Jungeun’s eyes are glossy as she lets out a shaky breath.

 

“Stop the car,”

 

“What?”

 

“I said stop the car,” Jungeun repeats in frustration, “I can walk from here.”

 

“Jungeun…” Jinsoul says worriedly, though she does park at the side of the road.

 

Jungeun gets out and starts to walk, only to hear another car door close behind her and a pair of feet rushing towards her from behind.

 

“Jungeun,” Jinsoul reaches for Jungeun’s wrist, stopping the girl, “please, I—I **can’t**.”

 

“Why not?” Jungeun snaps back, turning around and staring at the girl angrily, there are already tears running down both of their cheeks, “You ignore me for the past couple of months and then you won’t even tell me **why** ? Do you know how **alone** I’ve felt lately?”

 

Jungeun looks away from the girl as she wipes away her tears, “The person I’ve considered my best friend for **years** won’t even text me back, would tell me she’s too busy studying to hang out before… before turning around and hanging out with her _other_ friends. I was **so** scared that I’d done something to you, something that made you push me away,” she sniffles and pulls her wrist away from Jinsoul’s hold, “but you wouldn’t have known that, would you?” she asks, trying to sound cold but failing because her voice cracks in its instability and Jinsoul’s pupils waver, “You were too busy going on dates with Sooyoung and study sessions with Haseul to care.”

 

“They weren’t dates,” is all Jinsoul says, quietly, under her breath, and Jungeun surprises herself by scoffing and shaking her head.

 

_Of all the things Jinsoul chooses to reply to…_

 

“They **weren’t** ,” Jinsoul says more firmly this time, “besides, if they **were** , why would you even care?”

 

The question takes Jungeun aback, and the atmosphere shifts very suddenly.

 

They’re both aware of this shift, because Jinsoul backs off a bit, and then her voice is soft.

 

“Sooyoung has a girlfriend… Kim Jiwoo, the girl on your volleyball team,” Jinsoul states, “Besides, I don’t like her like that.”

 

Jungeun frowns, the earlier question still reeling through her brain.

 

Jinsoul sighs.

 

“Can you please get back in the car, Jungeun?” Jinsoul asks quietly.

 

Without saying anything, the younger girl turns on her heels and heads back to the car. Jinsoul drives her home and parks outside of her house. Jungeun doesn’t leave just yet, because Jinsoul lets out a shaky breath and starts to talk.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says, looking down at her lap before turning her head to make eye contact with Jungeun. It’s dark but Jungeun can very clearly make out the features of Jinsoul’s face.

 

(It’s not like she has them memorized or anything.)

 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel alone. I never wanted to hurt you, I want you to know that I would never **purposefully** try to harm you. I—I love you too much to do that,” Jinsoul stammers out as Jungeun stares at her, blinking away oncoming tears, “I’ve just been dealing with a lot of personal issues, about being gay and—and accepting who I am. Sooyoung’s been really helpful with that because, **you know** , she’s gay.”

 

Jinsoul’s gripping the steering wheel tightly and Jungeun’s eyebrows knit together in worry.

 

“I was being selfish,” Jinsoul whispers, “I didn’t take into account your feelings and I’m so, **so** sorry. I don’t want to lose you, I just needed… time. I **still** need time.”

 

Jungeun lets out a small breath and looks out the car window. All of the lights in the house are off.

 

“I didn’t do anything wrong?” Jungeun mumbles.

 

“No, you didn’t,” Jinsoul answers.

 

Jungeun nods, “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Jinsoul repeats, confused, “Wh—What do you mean by—”

 

“I mean,” Jungeun sighs, looking back over to her childhood friend, “I don’t understand **why** you need time away from me if I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’ll respect your decision. I hope… I hope that whatever problems you’re dealing with will go away soon,” the corners of her lips curve up the slightest bit, though her eyes are still sasd, “so you can come back to me.”

 

Jinsoul’s quivering lips open as she lets out a shaky chuckle. She nods and wipes at her tears.

 

“Thank you, Jungeun.”

 

“You’ll text me?” Jungeun questions carefully, trying not to get her hopes too high, “When you’re ready.”

 

“When I’m ready,” Jinsoul repeats as a confirmation.

 

“Okay,” Jungeun reaches for the handle of the car door, feeling some of the heaviness in her chest become relieved, “Goodnight, Jinsoul.”

 

“Night, Jungeun.”

 

—

 

They’re not close anymore, but they aren’t total strangers.

 

-

 

Jungeun’s become closer to Hyunjin and Heejin whilst Jinsoul remains closest to Haseul and Sooyoung. Nobody mentions the fact that they’ve drifted apart, but it’s pretty much known to the whole group that Jinsoul and Jungeun aren’t close anymore. Their friend group is still a thing and they still hang out during their track seasons, but they split off when it’s cross country/volleyball season.

 

Their group goes on college tours together, reads each other’s college essays, and helps each other figure out what they want to do in life.

 

It’s no surprise that Heejin wants to become a dancer and Hyunjin wants to go into baking. Haseul plans on going into music composition and Sooyoung wants to model. Jinsoul still wants to go into marine biology, which leaves Jungeun as the odd one out.

 

“Well, what do you like doing, Jungie?” Hyunjin asks as they sit in a circle on the beach. It’s the weekend before their final exams for Junior year and Haseul had suggested they go to the beach for a day to relax before being stressed as hell.

 

“I don’t know,” Jungeun shrugs her shoulders, running her fingers through the soft sand, “I already told you guys: I’m going to go to school for volleyball.”

 

“Yeah but **besides** a sport,” Heejin urges, “what else do you have as an option?”

 

Jungeun frowns and digs her toes into the sand, “Nothing.”

 

“How about music?” Jinsoul speaks up. Jungeun looks at her in surprise, but Jinsoul just smiles, “You know how to play, like, twenty instruments, don’t you? Your mom signed you up for all those lessons.”

 

“Just three,” Jungeun mumbles shyly, shaking her head as she averts her gaze to the ocean, “I don’t want to make one of my hobbies a career. It’ll just take the passion out of it.”

 

“Well, I’m sure if you go for volleyball, you’ll definitely get a scholarship,” Haseul, as supportive as ever, smiles.

 

“Thanks, mom,” Jungeun grins.

 

-

 

In a matter of minutes, the girls all rush into the water, screaming at the top of their lungs as they splash each other with the cold ocean water. When Jungeun feels herself being picked up, she squeals and holds her breath as the person dunks her underneath. Surfacing the water, she spots Jinsoul smiling deviously at her.

 

“You!” Jungeun gasps, swimming towards her as the other girl laughs and scurries away. She manages to wrap an arm around the girl’s bare waist, pulling her closer. Jungeun is relentless in her splashes towards the girl’s face and Jinsoul just keeps laughing and laughing.

 

Jungeun feels like her heart is about to burst with happiness as Jinsoul’s eyes meet hers, a bright smile still on her face.

 

“Last one to shore is a rotten egg!” Hyunjin yells out all of a sudden. Jinsoul splashes Jungeun one more time before rushing to the beach.

 

Jungeun, who is apparently a rotten egg, simply smiles as the other girls tease her about being too slow.

 

“And, as the rotten egg, **you** have to go up to buy us fries and chicken tenders from the vendor,” Heejin holds out a twenty dollar bill with a grin.

 

“I’ll go with her,” Jinsoul says, standing with a towel wrapped around her waist. She nods towards Jungeun, “C’mon.”

 

Jungeun slips on her oversized hoodie and follows Jinsoul away from the beach.

 

“You’re having fun, right?” Jinsoul asks as they walk side-by-side to the food vendor down the street.

 

“Of course,” Jungeun hums, “I don’t think I’m ever **not** having fun when I’m with you guys.”

 

Jinsoul smiles, looking down at her toes. Jungeun bites her lip before shuffling closer and looping an arm through Jinsoul’s. The older girl looks at her, surprised, before she smiles.

 

“Have you found a college with a good marine biology program, yet?” Jungeun asks as they near the store, hugging Jinsoul’s arm to her chest.

 

“Not yet,” Jinsoul replies, “I think I might just major in general biology for now.”

 

“I know I’ve said this before when we were younger,” Jungeun says as they get in line, “but it’d be really cool to see you working with all those aquatic animals.”

 

A small laugh and a nod, “And I thought you’d be great as a musician, a famous composer.”

 

“One can dream,” Jungeun sighs, leaning her head on Jinsoul’s arm. She feels the girl stiffen up and pulls her head away.

 

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Jungeun just squeezes Jinsoul’s wrist, “Not ready, yet, huh?”

 

“I…” Jinsoul starts off, “I don’t think I ever will be, to be quite honest with you.”

 

Jungeun looks at her, confused, but then they’re at the front of the line and Jinsoul’s ordering food for the girls, moment lost.

 

When they’re walking back, Jinsoul doesn’t try to continue their conversation and Jungeun thinks it’s best that she doesn’t, either.

 

-

 

Jinsoul had driven them there, so Haseul offers to drive them home. That means Jinsoul’s going to be sitting next to Jungeun at the very back of the car for two hours.

 

“I’m beat,” Sooyoung, sitting in the passenger seat, groans. She’s already beginning to get into a comfortable position to sleep in.

 

Hyunjin and Heejin, who are sat in the seats in front of Jungeun, mumble in agreement.

 

“Go to sleep, kids,” Haseul says from the driver seat, “I’ll wake you guys up when we’re home.”

 

Jungeun looks over at Jinsoul and finds the girl’s head resting awkwardly on the window, neck seeming to be in the most uncomfortable position ever.

 

The younger girl takes a moment to consider her actions before she reaches her hand out and taps Jinsoul’s knee. When she gets Jinsoul’s attention, she motions her closer and helps the girl’s head find its way to her shoulder.

 

“Thanks,” Jinsoul whispers, eyes closing. Jungeun slips an arm around the girl’s waist and hums.

 

—

 

When Jungeun gets a call at three in the morning, she has half a mind to just silence the ringer and go back to sleep. It’s the second day of summer and she still needs to catch up on all the sleep she’s lost throughout the duration of the school year, but then she notices the caller ID and her eyes widen as she picks up immediately.

 

“Hello?” Jungeun answers, “Jinsoul? Are you okay?”

 

There’s sniffling on the other side of the phone and it feels like Jungeun’s heart drops down straight into her stomach. She sits up, mind racing at the vast scenarios Jinsoul could be in right now; none of them are good.

 

“Can I… can I spend the night at yours?”

 

Jungeun responds without even thinking twice, “Yes, of course. What’s wrong? Are you going to drive here? Is it **safe** for you to be driving right now?”

 

“I… I’m already outside your house,” Jinsoul says weakly.

 

Jungeun gets out of bed quickly and hurries to her front door. Sure enough, Jinsoul is sitting on the front steps of her house.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jinsoul shakes her head, tears already running down her cheeks, “you were the first person I thought of to go to and—”

 

“It’s fine,” Jungeun cuts her off, taking hold of her hand and tugging her into the house.

 

Once Jungeun gets the older girl inside and they’re in the privacy of her room, she starts to talk.

 

“I told my parents about me being gay,” Jinsoul says quietly, sitting on the edge of Jungeun’s bed, “they didn’t take it so well.”

 

“ **Shit** ,” Jungeun curses, scooting closer to Jinsoul, unsure about whether she should try to physically comfort her (she’s been wary ever since Jinsoul’s tensed up that one time at the beach), “I’m sorry, Jinsoul. You don’t deserve that.”

 

“It’s fine,” Jinsoul shakes her head, “I was expecting it.”

 

“It’s **not** fine,” Jungeun argues, “they’re being ignorant. You’re their **daughter**.”

 

Jinsoul sighs, and the noise is heartbreaking to Jungeun, “Can we just sleep?”

 

Jungeun wants Jinsoul to know that the way her parents reacted **isn’t** okay, but she stares at the girl’s tired, bloodshot eyes and relents. Jungeun nods and lifts the blankets, gesturing for Jinsoul to get under before she follows.

 

They lay there on their backs for a couple of moments before Jinsoul sniffles, and something inside of Jungeun breaks (again). This causes Jungeun to shift and turn her body so she can hug Jinsoul with one arm, pulling her close.

 

Jinsoul’s body reacts immediately and gravitates towards Jungeun, shaky hands gripping the hem of her shirt as tear-stained cheeks bury themselves into Jungeun’s collar. Jinsoul’s whole body is shaking but there isn’t any noise coming out of her aside from the occasional sniffles.

 

Jungeun holds her tighter and feels a few tears slip out of her own eyes. She presses soft kisses to the crown of Jinsoul’s head and rubs her back soothingly.

 

-

 

When they hear the birds start to chirp and they’re both still wide awake, Jungeun comes up with an idea.

 

“Jinsoul,” she calls out into the dark room.

 

A hum.

 

“Do you want to watch that animal documentary on Netflix with the funny commentator?”

 

The girl moves her face from its settled position between Jungeun’s neck and jaw and pulls back to look at the girl, a small smile already on her lips. Jungeun grins, tries not to let her heart break too much at the sight of tears on the girl’s cheeks, and gets up so she can grab her laptop from her desk.

 

When Jinsoul gets out of bed, Jungeun looks at her, “Where you going?”

 

“To get water,” Jinsoul replies, wiping at her cheeks with the palms of her hands, “and **snacks**.”

 

Jungeun nods, “Don’t break anything,” she teases. Jinsoul responds by sticking out her tongue and scrunching up her nose before leaving the room.

 

-

 

Hearing Jinsoul chuckle at the witty remarks the commentator gives warms Jungeun’s heart to the point where she feels it in her toes. The laptop is set on an extra pillow in front of the two, who are sat cross-legged with snacks and water bottles scattered across their laps. Jungeun’s sure that Jinsoul’s already watched the whole documentary series but that doesn’t make her smile any less genuine.

 

At a particularly funny part, Jungeun turns her attention away from the laptop screen and to Jinsoul’s face. She’s nibbling on a pepero stick, smiling and shoulders gently shaking as she lets out quiet chuckles.

 

When Jinsoul spots Jungeun staring, she pulls the snack away from her lips, “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Jungeun shakes her head, “It’s just nice to see you smile.”

 

Jinsoul glances down at her lap and Jungeun worries she’s said something wrong, but then she feels Jinsoul softly punching her arm, playful, light eyes staring back at her.

 

“Soft,” is all she says.

 

Jungeun laughs before stealing the snack in Jinsoul’s hand and eating it.

 

-

 

When Jinsoul starts to doze off, her head resting on Jungeun’s shoulder, Jungeun shuts the laptop off and clears the bed of all the snacks. She feels Jinsoul’s arm wrap around her waist, tugging her back down onto the bed.

 

“Jungeun,” Jinsoul whispers, eyes closed.

 

Jungeun hums, getting settled down next to Jinsoul and staring at the girl’s face. There are bags under her eyes but any trace of tears are gone and there’s a small smile on her lips.

 

“Thank you,” she says, eyes opening and connecting with Jungeun’s, “for everything.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jungeun smiles, “what are best friends for?”

 

The title makes Jinsoul’s eyes widen, “You still consider us best friends?”

 

Jungeun’s heart skips.

 

“You don’t?”

 

The hand wrapped around Jungeun’s waist tightens, “That’s not what I meant I just… I’m surprised you still do, you know, after what happened.”

 

Jungeun laughs a bit, humorlessly, “I still don’t know **what** happened,” she says quietly.

 

Jinsoul moves away to lay on her back, the bed bouncing as she does so. Jungeun’s waist feels cold after the older girl’s moved her arm away.

 

At the small frown Jungeun sees on Jinsoul’s face, she props her elbow up and rests her head on her hand.

 

“Don’t make that face,” Jungeun says, using her other hand to press a thumb between Jinsoul’s eyebrows, straightening out her wrinkles.

 

Jinsoul sighs and pouts, “You’re not making this easier for me, you know?” she whispers this, but Jungeun’s close enough to hear.

 

“What is **this**?” Jungeun asks, moving her hand away from Jinsoul’s face and resting it across the girl’s collarbone.

 

Jinsoul stays quiet.

 

“Will you seriously never tell me?” Jungeun questions quietly, thumb moving against soft skin.

 

“I just don’t want to lose you,” Jinsoul closes her eyes, “Can we talk about something else?”

 

“Let’s just sleep,” Jungeun suggests, pulling her hand away and settling down to lay on her back.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jinsoul mumbles.

 

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Jungeun replies, trying to ignore the heaviness in her heart.

 

-

 

Jungeun wakes up before Jinsoul and she leaves the room as silently as she can to avoid waking up the older girl.

 

Her parents have already gone to work so it’s just Jinsoul and her at home. Jungeun makes them breakfast (even though it’s the afternoon) and Jinsoul walks tiredly into the kitchen as Jungeun finishes scrambling the eggs.

 

“Hey, sleepy head,” Jungeun greets the girl as she goes to sit at the dining table. She slides a plate of food over to Jinsoul, who takes it with a ‘thank you’ under her breath.

 

Jungeun sits across from her with her own plate, “How are you feeling?”

 

Jinsoul shrugs, “Just… going through it,” she picks around the food with her fork for a second, “Sooyoung said her parents will allow me to stay with them if my parents don’t come around soon.”

 

Jungeun blinks, “Sooyoung?”

 

“Yeah,” Jinsoul replies, starting to actually eat. Jungeun frowns, contemplating her next words.

 

“I mean… you could always just stay with me, if you’d like,” she says softly, watching as Jinsoul’s eyes snap back up to hers, “my parents consider you their own daughter, and you know they aren’t homophobic.”

 

Jinsoul gives a small smile, “Let’s eat first and then talk after.”

 

“Oh… okay,” Jungeun nods. She tries to ignore the uncomfortable churning in her stomach.

 

-

 

Jungeun’s currently washing the dishes with Jinsoul sitting on the counter next to her, watching her. When Jungeun finishes drying the last bowl, she turns her head to meet Jinsoul’s gaze.

 

“Talk time?” she asks quietly.

 

Jinsoul nods and hops off the counter. They walk into the living room and sit on the couch, an awkward space between them.

 

“Our parents are close to each other,” Jinsoul starts off, “so it’d be too obvious for me to be at **your** house. They’d come looking for me and they’d just keep bothering your parents.”

 

“But they kicked you out,” Jungeun responds, confused, “why would they come to find you?”

 

Jinsoul sighs and shakes her head, “That’s just how my parents are, Jungeun. They kicked me out but they’re going to try to get me back so they can hopefully **change** me, or something,” she looks down at her lap as she keeps talking, “they don’t really know Sooyoung or her parents, so it’d be the safer option. It’ll just be for the school year. I’m hoping that I can get a full-ride to some college so I can dorm there and get away from my parents.”

 

Jungeun frowns, “Do you want me to ask my parents to talk to yours?”

 

Jinsoul laughs humorlessly, shaking her head, “Thanks, but they won’t be able to do anything.”

 

It’s silent for a moment.

 

“How can I help?” Jungeun whispers.

 

Jinsoul looks at her after she asks this, small smile on her lips, “You’ve done enough already.”

 

Jungeun bites down on her lower lip, “Do you want me to help you pack some of your stuff?”

 

“No,” Jinsoul sighs, “it’s okay, I’ll just go get my stuff when my parents aren’t home.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah,” Jinsoul nods, “thank you for everything, Jungeun.”

 

Jungeun narrows her eyes, “You say that as if this is the last time I’ll ever see you,” she says, “I’m still here for you, you know that, right?”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Jinsoul grins before she stands from the couch, “we have about four hours until my parents are at work. Turn your Wii on so I can destroy you in Mario Kart.”

 

Jungeun laughs and nods, “Okay, let’s go.”

 

**_it's been a few years since I've felt sure of what I want_ **

 

Years later, the only people Jinsoul’s still in contact with is Sooyoung and Haseul; and that’s only because Sooyoung is her roommate and Haseul goes to the same college as her. She hasn’t seen Hyunjin, Heejin, or Jungeun since high school graduation and as much as it pains her to admit, she thinks it’s for the best.

 

(Hyunjin and Heejin are exempt from this ‘it’s for the best’ mindset because they aren’t the ones Jinsoul’s tragically in love with—it’s Jungeun.

 

It’s always been Jungeun.)

 

And it’s funny how Jungeun always chided Jinsoul for being oblivious when she’s the one who hadn’t realized Jinsoul’s feelings.

 

Jinsoul’s not blaming Jungeun for anything, of course—because Jungeun didn’t **force** Jinsoul to fall in love with her—but Jinsoul’s always just been a bit ticked off at the fact that their entire friend group could figure out her feelings before Jungeun could.

 

Hell, Haseul figured it out before **Jinsoul** could.

 

They had laughed off the ‘How long have you two been together?’ question in the moment but when Jinsoul went home later that day, something inside of her snapped when she realized that _she liked Jungeun_.

 

And not just in the best-friends-since-elementary-school type of ‘like’—she meant it in the hold-hands-and-kiss type of ‘like’. It threw her for a whirlwind and made her whole world spin. Suddenly, she’s horribly aware of how nice Jungeun smells when they hug or how soft Jungeun’s hands are when they touch or how nice her voice is to listen to or—

 

You get the point.

 

She tried not to let anything change because Jungeun’s her closest friend and it’d be a shame to lose her over some _little_ crush. She bottled up her feelings and gritted her teeth whenever Jungeun would joke about how many love letters she’s gotten from random boys at school. Jungeun was always shy when she spoke about them and Jinsoul tried not to let it get to her head because Jungeun was naturally shy—but she so desperately wanted to be the reason behind Jungeun’s flaming pink cheeks and flustered eyes.

 

The fact that they spent so much time together didn’t help, either. She loved Jungeun, that much was obvious—and she loved spending time with her, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel trapped and suffocated whenever she was around the girl.

 

So, when Ha Sooyoung came out to their friend group in the most anticlimactic way possible, Jinsoul immediately feels a lot less alone.

 

(“I’d date her,” she says as they’re all watching a movie.

 

“You would?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow.

 

Sooyoung nods, “She’s my type; a cute girl.”)

 

The following week after Sooyoung had come out, Jinsoul spent most of her nights texting her, telling her about how she felt about Jungeun.

 

“I can’t believe you fell into the ‘gay girl falls for her straight best friend’ trope,” Sooyoung says one night over the phone and, as tragic as it is, Jinsoul manages to laugh at it because Sooyoung isn’t saying it with any menace behind her words and talking about it outloud gets rid of the heavy weight on Jinsoul’s shoulders.

 

When Jinsoul came out to Jungeun, she was relieved that Jungeun was supportive (she knew Jungeun would be, but it was still a _scary fucking experience_ ). At the same time, she couldn’t help but still feel miserable. Jungeun was supportive, yes, but Jinsoul didn’t want her to just be the supportive friend—she wanted her to be her _girlfriend_.

 

But Jinsoul knew that wasn’t going to happen and she figured if she wanted to get over Jungeun so they can go back to being close friends, she’d have to get rid of her damn feelings first. She spent a lot more time with Sooyoung and Haseul, trying to let her heart mend and forget about the not-so-platonic feelings she has for Jungeun.

 

Long story short, it didn’t work.

 

The longer Jinsoul went without Jungeun, the more her heart began to hurt and yearn for the girl.

 

When Jungeun broke down the day Jinsoul had driven her home, Jinsoul felt like her heart was being ripped right out of her chest. Seeing Jungeun so broken made Jinsoul’s heart hurt more than it did when she had come to terms with the fact that Jungeun would never love her the way she loved Jungeun—it hurt a hundred times more when Jinsoul realized **she** was the reason behind Jungeun’s tears.

 

She wanted to hug Jungeun right then and there, on the sidewalk, and she wanted to tell Jungeun that she loved her more than she’s ever loved anything in the whole world—but she couldn’t. She was too much of a coward.

 

Jinsoul asked for time and Jungeun agreed to give her time.

 

Jinsoul asked for time even though she knew she’d love Jungeun for the rest of her life.

 

—

 

“Hurry up, bitch! We’re gonna be late!” Sooyoung calls from the front door.

 

Jinsoul, whose hair is now blonde, rushes to grab her phone and keys from her bedside table.

 

“I’m coming!” Jinsoul replies, slipping on a jacket and hurrying out the apartment. Sooyoung closes the door behind her and together, they walk to Jinsoul’s car.

 

“Do you have the tickets?” Jinsoul asks as she starts the car, rubbing her hands together to warm them up. Winter _sucks_.

 

Sooyoung nods and pulls them out of her purse.

 

“Two tickets to my wonderful girlfriend’s concert,” she says fondly.

 

Jinsoul snorts and peels out of the parking space, “Alright, there,” she says, “it’s technically the concert of the kids she teaches, but _whatever_.”

 

“Same difference,” Sooyoung huffs, leaning back on her seat, “thanks for coming with me, by the way.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jinsoul mumbles, “all you’ve been talking about is this damn concert and how sweet Jiwoo is with kids. I’d be a bad friend if I didn’t go with you.”

 

Sooyoung grins, “This beats staying at home and procrastinating over your thesis essay, doesn’t it?”

 

Jinsoul doesn’t reply.

 

-

 

Jinsoul can hear the singing kids from down the hall before they even enter the auditorium.

 

“Crap, they started already,” Sooyoung hisses.

 

A voice to their left rings out.

 

“Actually, they’re only warming up,” a girl with red hair, seemingly around their age, smiles, “you two aren’t **too** late.”

 

“Ah, thank you,” Sooyoung smiles. The three of them walk towards the auditorium.

 

The redhead speaks up, “Do you two have a kid here or…?”

 

“Huh? Oh, _no_ ,” Sooyoung shakes her head, “we’re friends with the teacher who helped arrange everything.”

 

“Ah, I see,” the girl replies, “I came with my girlfriend to watch my niece. There are a couple of seats next to us, if you’d like to sit there?”

 

“That’d be great, thank you,” Sooyoung grins, “I’m Sooyoung and this is my friend, Jinsoul.”

 

“Nice to meet you girls. I’m Bambi,” she says.

 

When they get to the auditorium doors, Jinsoul holds it open for the two of them before following them in. The kids have stopped singing and are all bustling around the stage, getting their papers organized and waving to their parents and families in the crowd. Jiwoo spots Sooyoung and Jinsoul walking in and waves to them excitedly before she’s being tugged on by one of her students.

 

Jinsoul’s so busy watching Jiwoo run around the stage (much like the second-graders around her) that she doesn’t notice when they’ve reached Bambi’s seat.

 

“Babe, these girls know Jiwoo so I offered them the seats next to us,”

 

And when Jinsoul turns her head to look at Bambi’s girlfriend, it feels like she’s been punched in the gut because her breath hitches as she makes eye contact with none other than _Kim Jungeun._

 

“Sooyoung? Jinsoul?” Jungeun says with wide eyes, standing from her seat, “Oh my God.”

 

Sooyoung envelopes Jungeun in an excited hug (although her eyes flicker towards Jinsoul briefly, worry evident in her gaze) and they exchange greetings. Jungeun seems to hesitate once she makes eye contact with Jinsoul before she steps forward and gives Jinsoul a brief hug, too.

 

They don’t get to talk much because the lights dim and Jiwoo’s gentle voice echoes through the speakers, asking the crowd to settle down because the show’s about to start.

 

Sooyoung chooses the seat next to Jungeun before Jinsoul can really process what the hell just happened. Throughout the entire show, Jinsoul feels like the mold around her heart is breaking off piece by piece.

 

-

 

At the end of the show, Jinsoul can see Sooyoung squirming in her seat, looking around the crowd for Jiwoo. When she spots the girl, she makes the move to stand up before she sits back down.

 

Jinsoul laughs, “You can go to your girlfriend, Sooyoung,” she says, pushing the girl’s shoulder.

 

Sooyoung snaps her eyes back over to Jinsoul, “Are you sure?” she lowers her voice, “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

 

“I’m a big girl,” Jinsoul rolls her eyes, but Sooyoung doesn’t seem to be convinced.

 

The blonde girl sighs, “I’ll be fine. I have to go to the bathroom, anyway.”

 

“Alright…” Sooyoung trails off, eyeing Jinsoul warily. Jinsoul shoves her once more, “ _Go_.”

 

Sooyoung goes off to see her girlfriend and just as Jinsoul gets up from her seat, she hears Bambi speak, striking a conversation with her.

 

Jinsoul stops like a deer caught in headlights.

 

“Jungeun knows you and Sooyoung, huh?” the girl asks with a friendly smile on her lips, “Well, any friend of Jungeun’s is a friend of mine.”

 

Jinsoul plasters a smile on her face, nodding. She looks over to Jungeun briefly, who looks about as uncomfortable as Jinsoul feels, “Yeah. We knew each other in high school and were in a friend group together,” she answers before letting out a small chuckle, hoping it doesn’t sound fake, “I don’t mean to cut the conversation short—but I’ve been holding in my bladder for this **whole** concert, so…”

 

Bambi laughs and shakes her head, “Oh! Sorry, go ahead,” she gestures Jinsoul forward.

 

Jinsoul feels relief flood through her body as soon as she exits the auditorium doors.

 

She does actually end up using the bathroom and as she’s washing her hands, her phone chimes.

 

**[haha]: jiwoo wants to go out to eat with us + bambi and jungeun, you down?**

 

Jinsoul frowns at the text.

 

**[jinsoul]: are you asking me to fifth wheel rn?**

**[haha]: no!**

**[haha]: maybe**

**[jinsoul]: tell her no thanks jsdhsdjfh i’ll just go home and study**

**[haha]: is it because of jungeun?**

 

Jinsoul puffs up her cheeks and types out a reply.

 

**[jinsoul]: yes**

 

She deletes the message and instead, types out:

 

**[jinsoul]: do you want me to drive you guys to the restaurant?**

 

-

 

Jinsoul **knew** she’d find Haseul at the library.

 

_Freakin’ nerd._

 

She plops down next to the older girl and taps her shoulder, “Haseul, we have to talk. There’s been an emergency.”

 

“What emergency?” Haseul sighs as she drops the pen in her hand, looking over to the blonde girl.

 

“I saw Jungeun today, at Jiwoo’s concert thing,”

 

Haseul’s eyes widen, “You _what_?”

 

“She has a _girlfriend_ ,” Jinsoul says.

 

Haseul starts to gather her things immediately.

 

-

 

“You’re telling me she’s been gay this **whole time** ?” Haseul asks as soon as they enter Jinsoul’s car, “You’ve been **pining** and **pining** and **pining** and—”

 

“Yes, _I get it_ ,” Jinsoul cuts her off, driving towards her apartment.

 

Haseul huffs, “And she’s not even straight.”

 

“Yup,” Jinsoul nods. It’s a short reply considering her heart feels like it’s about to burst out of her ribcage.

 

Haseul eyes her friend worriedly and Jinsoul hates it. She hates that Haseul and Sooyoung **know** about her feelings for Jungeun because it makes them worry and it makes them cautious around her and it feels like they always walk on glass when Jungeun’s brought up around her and—

 

“How do you feel about it?” Haseul asks quietly, “About Jungeun being gay.”

 

Jinsoul hates that she’s **already** tearing up even though they’re not even really delving deep into the situation and she blinks the tears away and scrunches up her nose.

 

“Can we talk after we get to my apartment?”

 

Haseul nods, “Of course.”

 

-

 

“Are you hungry, hun?” Haseul asks as she walks towards the kitchen. She glances around, “Do you and Sooyoung have anything to eat _besides_ take-out food?”

 

Jinsoul sighs and sits at the counter, watching Haseul dig through the fridge for ingredients.

 

“We have macaroni and cheese in the cupboard,” Jinsoul points. Haseul follows the direction of her finger, pulling out the boxed pasta and a pot.

 

As Haseul starts boiling the water, Jinsoul lays her head down on the counter, thoughts running through her brain faster than she can comprehend them (but she knows that they all revolve around a certain Kim Jungeun).

 

“Did you two talk?” Haseul asks as she waits for the water to boil.

 

“No,” Jinsoul responds, “I talked to her girlfriend and ran to the bathroom before anything else could happen.”

 

“Do you know her girlfriend?”

 

“No. I’ve never seen her before,” the blonde girl mumbles, “she’s pretty. And nice.”

 

“Hey, you’re pretty and nice, too,” Haseul calls out from across the kitchen. Jinsoul doesn’t reply.

 

When Haseul starts pouring in the pasta, she asks another question, “What happened after you ran to the bathroom?”

 

Jinsoul sits up, leaning her chin on the palm of her hand, “Sooyoung texted me and asked if I wanted to go out to eat with all of them.”

 

“All of them as in Jiwoo, Jungeun, and Jungeun’s girlfriend?”

 

“Yeah,”

 

Haseul stirs the macaroni around, “And how do you feel?”

 

“I…” Jinsoul trails off, thinking about what to say. She knows Haseul’s going to be supportive no matter what and she trusts Haseul with her life, but she can’t manage to formulate her thoughts into coherent sentences, “I don’t know.”

 

Haseul’s draining the water from the pasta and adding the cheese.

 

“Jinsoul, tell me honestly, do you think you still have feelings for Jungeun?”

 

Jinsoul doesn’t even miss a beat, “Yes, I do.”

 

Haseul nods, stirring the pasta and the cheese together. She doesn’t seem surprised and Jinsoul wonders if she’s really **that** obvious.

 

“Do you plan on doing anything with those feelings?”

 

Jinsoul frowns, “What? **No** . Absolutely not,” she replies, “Are you nuts? She has a **girlfriend**.”

 

Haseul brings over two bowls of macaroni and cheese, steam rising from both of them. She sits next to Jinsoul, handing the girl a fork.

 

“I was just asking,” Haseul responds, voice still as soft as ever, “anyway, would you be opposed to having Jungeun back in your life?”

 

Jinsoul eyes the bowl of macaroni in front of her, frowning, “Haseul, you know I never even wanted Jungeun **out** of my life. It’s just…” she feels herself choking up.

 

Haseul’s left hand comes up to rub her back comfortingly, “It’s okay. I know,” Haseul says and it’s true; Haseul **does** know—because when Jinsoul wasn’t talking to Sooyoung about her unrequited love for her best friend, she was talking to Haseul. And Haseul, like the good friend that she was, stuck with her even through the roughest nights when Jinsoul couldn’t sleep, sending her pictures of cute animals in hopes of getting Jinsoul to cheer up, letting Jinsoul call her even if it was just to cry over the phone, trying to calm her breathing to match Haseul’s steady one.

 

Jinsoul’s so fucking glad to have her in her life.

 

“Your feelings were too much for you to keep her in your life without being miserable all the time,” Haseul says gently as Jinsoul starts to break down. Haseul stands from her seat and Jinsoul’s quick to bury her face into her shoulder, body shaking with the sobs that she’s kept pent up for the past three years.

 

It’s been so many years and she’s still not over Jungeun.

 

Not in the slightest bit.

 

-

 

Sooyoung arrives home later that night to see Haseul and Jinsoul on the couch, Jinsoul’s head in Haseul’s lap. She’s asleep, tired after crying so much.

 

“Oh, thank God,” Sooyoung says with a sigh of relief at the sight of the sleeping blonde, “I was texting and calling her nonstop, I was so worried.”

 

“She had her phone on silent,” Haseul replies as Sooyoung sits next to her. Sooyoung’s hand pats Jinsoul’s head, moving a few loose strands of hair away from her face. There’s silence for a brief second as Sooyoung examines Jinsoul’s face.

 

“How was dinner?” Haseul asks.

 

Sooyoung gives a small smile, “I assume Jinsoul caught you up with everything that’s happened?”

 

“Yeah,” Haseul says, lowering the volume of the TV, “so, dinner?”

 

“It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it’d be,” Sooyoung says, keeping her voice quiet as to not wake up Jinsoul, “Jungeun hasn’t changed much. The only different thing I could notice about her is the fact that she has a girlfriend.”

 

“Speaking of her girlfriend, what’s she like?”

 

Sooyoung sighs, “I want to say that I don’t like her, because— _you know_ —but… I can’t. Haseul, she’s so sweet,” a pause, “Jungeun seems really happy with her.”

 

Haseul looks down at Jinsoul, who’s still asleep and is unknowing of the conversation happening. Their hearts hurt for their friend

 

“Shit…” she says, running her fingers through Jinsoul’s blonde hair.

 

Sooyoung nods, “Shit, indeed.”

 

—

 

Jinsoul throws herself into her schoolwork and her internship at the aquarium; she’s not giving herself **any** time to be sad. Sooyoung’s there to make sure she eats and Haseul’s there to tell her to go to sleep when it’s too late, but other than that, she keeps to herself.

 

It’s been a month since she’s last seen Jungeun and since then, Jinsoul’s been avoiding every invitation to go out with Sooyoung if Jiwoo’s involved. Sooyoung still asks her every time because she doesn’t want Jinsoul to feel left out, but Jinsoul’s quick to decline.

 

Usually Sooyoung would back off and tell Jinsoul to order some food, or something, but tonight’s different.

 

“Jung Jinsoul, when’s the last time you’ve been out?”

 

Jinsoul opens her mouth only for Sooyoung to cut her off.

 

“Class doesn’t count,”

 

“I’ve been—”

 

“The aquarium doesn’t count, either,”

 

Jinsoul closes her mouth.

 

“That’s what I thought. Get your ass up, we’re going to Jiwoo’s party.”

 

“Jiwoo’s party?” Jinsoul asks with a frown, “Sooyoung, I’ll take a walk in the park by myself if you want me to go out so much but I’m **not** going to _Jiwoo_ ’s party.”

 

Sooyoung points a finger at Jinsoul, “First of all, don’t say her name like that,” she then softens her gaze before sitting down next to Jinsoul at the dining table with a sigh, “second of all, are you **really** going to keep avoiding Jungeun like this?”

 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “I’ve been doing great so far.”

 

“You haven’t been outside in _weeks_ ,” Sooyoung deadpans. She leans forward and presses her hands to Jinsoul’s shoulders, “You’re never going to get over Jungeun if you can’t even _face_ her.”

 

Jinsoul breaks eye contact with her friend and stares down at the notebook in front of her, letting Sooyoung’s words sink in. Maybe she’s right. Jinsoul can’t keep living like this, especially not if Jungeun’s intertwined with Sooyoung’s life through Jiwoo. Jungeun’s presence is going to be a thing and Jinsoul has to get used to it. She can’t just keep **running**.

 

“Alright, fine,” Jinsoul sighs.

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Don’t sound **too** surprised,” Jinsoul scowls, “you’re right, though. I need to get over her. Maybe seeing her with Bambi will give me the push to do so.”

 

“Right,” Sooyoung nods, squeezing Jinsoul’s shoulders, “go get ready. We’ll leave in a bit.”

 

-

 

“So, who’s going to be at this party again?” Jinsoul asks as she buckles in her seatbelt.

 

Sooyoung laughs, “I already told you. It’s just Jiwoo’s co-workers and our mutual friends.”

 

“Mutual friends as in **Jungeun** , right…” Jinsoul nods, starting up the car.

 

“ _And_ Hyunjin _and_ Heejin,” Sooyoung lists off, “ **Relax** , we’ll have fun. It’ll be like old times.”

 

-

 

And it’s a little **too much** like old times because Jinsoul still thinks Jungeun’s fucking gorgeous and her heart still beats way too fast whenever Jungeun’s in the vicinity and nothing has changed because when she walks into the room and her eyes meet Jungeun’s, it feels like Jinsoul’s floating.

 

But then Jinsoul notices the arm wrapped around Jungeun’s waist and she makes eye contact with Bambi, who’s already smiling at her.

 

 _It’s going to be a_ **_long_ ** _night._

 

-

 

It’s great to catch up with Hyunjin and Heejin. When she had broken off contact with Jungeun, Hyunjin and Heejin were unfortunately included in that. Although they had always been friends together, in the same group, they always did have their **mini** groups within; Heejin, Hyunjin, and Jungeun in one group and Sooyoung, Haseul, and Jinsoul in the other.

 

Jinsoul was a bit nervous to meet them after years of no communication, but the two greeted her with warm smiles and hugs.

 

“Your hair!” Hyunjin grins, taking a strand of Jinsoul’s blonde hair and flailing it around, “It looks so pretty!”

 

The blonde girl grins and laughs as Heejin wraps an arm around the excited Hyunjin.

 

“Please ignore how hyper she is right now,” the dancer says, “I let her see my bunny.”

 

Jinsoul makes a face, “That’s not, like, a secret _codeword_ , is it?” she wiggles her eyebrows a bit.

 

Heejin chokes, coughs once and then laughs, gently shoving Jinsoul’s shoulder, “Jesus, Jinsoul, I have a **pet** bunny!”

 

“Just making sure,” Jinsoul laughs, shaking her head, “You have a photo of this bunny?”

 

“I do!” Hyunjin **whips** out her phone and Jinsoul’s not surprised to see the background of her lockscreen as a selfie of she and Heejin together. It makes Jinsoul’s heart warm up fleetingly to see how close the two have remained (they’ve gotten **closer** , if anything).

 

After flicking through a few photos, Jinsoul admits: Heejin’s bunny is pretty damn precious.

 

“Hey, Jinsoul!” Jinsoul hears Sooyoung’s voice call out from behind her. She turns around and spots Sooyoung waving her over to where she, Jiwoo, Haseul, and another brunette girl are all standing.

 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes towards Heejin and Hyunjin, who both laugh, before she makes her way towards the group. Haseul gives her a hug and quickly asks how she’s doing in that quiet, motherly whisper.

 

“I’m doing okay,” Jinsoul replies. She looks over to the other girls in the group and smiles when she catches eyes with the brunette.

 

“Hi, I’m Jinsoul,” she holds out a hand and the girl takes it loosely, shaking it once.

 

“Yujin,” she replies with a nod before dropping her hand back down to her side. Their eye contact lingers for a few seconds before Jinsoul looks away upon the group expanding and suddenly including Bambi and Jungeun.

 

“Everyone’s gathered over here,” Bambi grins, “what’s up?”

 

“I was just about to go grab a drink,” Yujin says, raising an eyebrow at Jinsoul, “Jinsoul, wanna come with me?”

 

Jinsoul nods and is surprised when Yujin takes hold of her wrist and tugs her towards the kitchen.

 

“Beer?” Yujin asks, letting go of Jinsoul’s hand as she makes her way to the fridge.

 

“Actually, I don’t drink,” Jinsoul says, standing awkwardly by the counter.

 

Yujin nods, “Soda?”

 

“I… Yeah, soda works,” Jinsoul responds.

 

Yujin comes back with a bottle of water and a can of Sprite, handing the soda to Jinsoul with a small smile.

 

“Your face fell when Bambi and her girl came over,” Yujin says gently, “I figured I’d give you an out.”

 

Jinsoul fiddles with the top of her can, “Shit… am I **that** obvious?”

 

Yujin shakes her head, “No, I’m just a good observer,” she gives a reassuring smile, “you two were close?”

 

“Closer than close,” Jinsoul mumbles, opening her soda can and squealing when it pops open and some of it drips down and onto her can. Yujin laughs and grabs a napkin for her, helping her wash it up.

 

“Thanks,” Jinsoul laughs.

 

Yujin hums, “No problem,” she takes a moment to scan Jinsoul’s face, “Bambi and I are like that, I guess.”

 

Jinsoul tries to hold back a frown, “I… don’t think it’s **quite** the same.”

 

“You’re in love with her?”

 

Her heart skips a beat.

 

Yujin’s smile grows smaller and she takes hold of Jinsoul’s hand, squeezing when she feels Jinsoul tense up, “We’re in the same boat.”

 

…

 

Needless to say, when Jinsoul and Yujin walk back to the group hand-in-hand, they attract **all** eyes.

 

Haseul gives her the **look** and Jinsoul just shakes her head.

 

Yujin’s hand moves from Jinsoul’s hand to the small of her back and it’s comforting.

 

It’s comforting to have something akin to an anchor, especially when Jinsoul’s been falling for much too long.

 

-

 

As the night gets later, co-workers leave and those who are close friends with Jiwoo stay. Eventually, it’s just Jiwoo, Sooyoung, Heejin, Hyunjin, Haseul, Jinsoul, Jungeun, Bambi, and Yujin.

 

Jinsoul learns that Yujin was the first person Jiwoo had befriended at the school she works at currently, only because Jiwoo was squealing whilst she was decorating her classroom and Yujin was worried a child had been left behind so she went to check on the noise.

 

“I was expecting a seven year old, **not** a _grown_ —we’ll use that term **loosely** —woman,”

 

“ _Hey_!”

 

Yujin grins, “anyway, I helped her string up some decorations.”

 

“You’re **barely** that much taller than me,” Jiwoo grumbles as Sooyoung laughs and pulls her closer to her side.

 

“So, you’re a teacher?” Jinsoul asks the girl who currently has an arm over her shoulder. Jinsoul knows the physical contact is nothing but platonic— **that** much has been established a while ago.

 

Yujin nods, “A gym teacher,” she nudges Jinsoul’s shoulder, “and what do **you** do?”

 

“I’m studying marine biology so I’m still in school, but I intern at an aquarium,”

 

“A penguin took a shit on Jinsoul’s shoes one time,” Sooyoung speaks up from across the group, laughing at the memory, “she came home **super** happy about it. It was weird.”

 

The group starts to laugh and Jinsoul pouts. When her eyes (inevitably) trail over to Jungeun, she spots the smile on the girl’s lips and is quick to look away because if she stared any longer, she wasn’t sure her heart was going to make it.

 

“You work with animals?” Yujin asks after laughing at the penguin story.

 

“Yeah,” Jinsoul’s still pouting and Haseul cooes at her.

 

The conversation soon shifts over to Bambi and Jungeun’s ‘story’. When Jinsoul hears Bambi tell the story of how Jungeun and her had met, she can’t help but feel her heart clench.

 

“Actually, Yujin had brought me to one of Jiwoo’s gatherings and Jungeun was there,” Bambi says, hugging Jungeun’s arm.

 

Jinsoul struggles to keep her expression nonchalant, arm pulling Yujin closer, wrapping around her waist. She feels Yujin’s head lean against her shoulder, the hand on Jinsoul’s shoulder squeezing once before loosening up. Bambi’s still talking about how they met and their first date and everything and Jinsoul can **feel** Haseul and Sooyoung’s eyes darting towards her but Jinsoul’s eyes are focused on Yujin’s face.

 

The girl is **smiling** . It’s a barely-there smile, but still, she’s **smiling** . Despite the sadness pooling in her eyes, Yujin’s **smiling** , and it breaks Jinsoul’s heart more than she’d like to admit because Yujin’s such a good person— **too** good of a person to have to watch the love of her life fall in love with someone else, to **introduce** the love of her life to the girl she’d fall in love with.

 

And yet, Yujin **willingly** stayed next to Bambi through and through, not because she enjoys the pain, but because she wants to see Bambi happy. This revelation is all Jinsoul needs to realize that, at the core of things—ignoring her heartache and the unrequited feelings—all she wants is for Jungeun to be happy.

 

Jinsoul presses a quick kiss to the top of Yujin’s head because she’s flooded with emotions and she’s trying **really** hard not to burst out into tears but Yujin moves closer to her and Jinsoul thinks for half-a-second that _everything will be okay._

 

-

 

When Yujin kisses her that night, Jinsoul thinks everything will be okay.

 

But she knows that you can’t mend a broken heart using another broken one.

 

After all, zero plus zero is still just **zero**.

 

**_Whoa, old friend, it's bittersweet_ **

 

“Come on, get up,” Yujin tugs at her arms, trying to get Jinsoul out of bed, “your room is a mess. Let’s clean up.”

 

“ **Or** we can go back to sleep,” Jinsoul says, pulling Yujin down onto the bed with her.

 

“ _Noooo_ ,” Yujin groans, waving her arms around as Jinsoul hugs her, “Jinsoul, seriously, it’s **so** messy in here.”

 

And, maybe in an alternate universe, Yujin would be the one Jinsoul falls in love with.

 

But she’s stuck in **this** reality, so that isn’t the case.

 

“Fine,” Jinsoul grunts, getting up as Yujin smiles and ruffles her hair.

 

“ _Thatta girl_!”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jinsoul pushes the blanket off of her and together, she and Yujin start to tidy up her room.

 

Yujin gathers the clothes on the floor and the clothes stacked in a pile on Jinsoul’s chair, tossing it in her laundry basket. Jinsoul picks up the scattered notes on the ground and organizes them neatly on her desk, grabbing all the empty water bottles she has scattered on her desk into her arms.

 

They work quietly, with Yujin humming a song Jinsoul doesn’t know but still nods along to, and when they’re done with Jinsoul’s room, they walk to the laundry machine.

 

“When does your shift start?” Yujin asks as she helps Jinsoul separate her clothes.

 

“Uh…” Jinsoul looks at the clock, narrowing her eyes to try to help her remember, “Two, I think.”

 

“You think?” Yujin repeats, laughing when Jinsoul just nods, “Ends at nine?”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Jinsoul hums.

 

“I’ll pick up some Chinese after I go to Bambi’s shoot,” Yujin holds up a sock, “you’re missing the other sock.”

 

“It’s probably under my bed, or something,” Jinsoul waves it off, “how long is her shoot going to last?”

 

(Shoot as in photoshoot. Bambi’s a model, as if she wasn’t **already** the picture-perfect definition of an angel. Jinsoul admits, though, that she’s a damn-good model and that she looks beautiful in all of her pictures.

 

Yujin goes to her shoots every once and a while because Bambi asks her to. Jinsoul always sends the same ‘are you sure about this?’ look that Yujin brushes off.)

 

“Not long,” Yujin replies, starting to load the clothes into the machine, “but she wants to go out to eat afterwards.”

 

“You’re gonna go?” Jinsoul raises an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah…” Yujin trails off, “she’s been so busy and this is probably one of the only times where we’d get time for just ourselves.”

 

“Okay,” Jinsoul nods, “just… be careful.”

 

Yujin throws the sock in her lap at Jinsoul’s face, “I **know**.”

 

-

 

Yujin had moved in with Jinsoul a year after Jinsoul’s college graduation because Jiwoo had asked Sooyoung to move in with her (and of course Sooyoung had said yes). At the same time, Yujin was looking for a place to stay since her roommate had moved, too—so she and Jinsoul are roommates now.

 

They look back at their first night together with smiles on their faces because as nice as it was, they both knew they weren’t in any position to pursue a relationship—much less with **each other**.

 

Jinsoul’s seen Jungeun countless times, what with their friends all being friends with each other, and even has Jungeun’s new phone number (though she **never** texts her unless it involves one of their other friends). Jungeun’s been picked up by a professional volleyball team so she travels often for her games. Jinsoul’s proud of her, but keeps it to herself because she’s not sure whether she’s in a place to even feel proud of Jungeun.

 

As much as it still hurts Jinsoul to see the girl, the pain has dulled to a faint throb rather than the sharp ache she’d use to get. It’s tolerable and, really, that’s all Jinsoul ever wanted.

 

-

 

“Yujin? I’m home,” Jinsoul calls out as she kicks off her shoes and starts to unzip her jacket. As she turns the corner to their small living room, she pauses in her steps when she finds _Jungeun_ sat on the couch.

 

She’s sitting there very awkwardly, tense and eyes avoiding Jinsoul’s.

 

“Yujin told me to come here,”

 

Jinsoul blinks, “Uh… what? Why? Did something happen?”

 

“Bambi and I broke up,” Jungeun answers, straight to the point.

 

“Oh,” Jinsoul has no idea what to say, “Are you… okay?”

 

“I saw it coming,” Jungeun shrugs, though her tone sounds detached, like she’s speaking about something she’s not involved in. It worries Jinsoul.

 

She hesitantly takes a seat next to Jungeun, “Just because you saw it coming doesn’t mean it’d hurt any less,” she says, “so… why did Yujin send you **here**? No offence, but shouldn’t you be at Hyunjin or Jiwoo’s place?”

 

Jungeun lets out a small smile, shaking her head and pointing to the brown bag at the kitchen counter, “She told me to get you Chinese food,” she drops her hand to her lap, “and she wanted me out of my apartment.”

 

“I see…” Jinsoul trails off, “Then,” she says, causing Jungeun to look up at her, “are you hungry?”

 

-

 

They eat in a silence that’s neither awkward nor comfortable.

 

Jinsoul thinks she shouldn’t bring the topic up, but it’s hanging over their heads—and Jinsoul’s still wondering why Jungeun didn’t just drop off the food and leave to go to… literally **anybody else’s** house.

 

“Jungeun, are you alright?” is what ends up coming out of Jinsoul’s lips.

 

Jungeun looks up from her plate, locking eyes with Jinsoul.

 

…

 

“I don’t know,” Jungeun answers, “is it weird that I don’t know?”

 

“Not at all,” Jinsoul replies, “I assumed this all happened **today** ? Maybe you’re still trying to… **process** what’s happened.”

 

Jungeun sets down her chopsticks and runs a hand through her hair, shaking her head, “It’s not that.”

 

“Then what is it?” Jinsoul questions before quickly backtracking, “ **if** you’re willing to share.”

 

Jungeun’s lips curl up at Jinsoul’s panicked tone, “It’s fine.”

 

She’s quiet for a moment, as if to gather her thoughts, and the voice in Jinsoul’s head yells at her not to stare at Jungeun for too long, yells at her to calm the beating of her heart, and yells at her for feeling like this when Jungeun’s _hurting_ right now.

 

“I think… I’m more sad about the fact that someone I’ve been used to having around won’t be around me anymore,” Jungeun sighs, “I thought I loved her.”

 

Jinsoul nearly falls out of her seat. Jungeun must’ve seen the shock on Jinsoul’s face because she speaks up again, “I do **love** her—I care about her a lot and I did have feelings for her it’s just—I just don’t know if I was ever **in-love** with her.”

 

“Ah, I see,” Jinsoul says.

 

“You’ve ever been in love, Jinsoul?”

 

Jinsoul **really** almost falls out of her seat.

 

“What?”

 

“Have you ever been in love? Like **actually** in love,”

 

“I…” Jinsoul stammers out.

 

Does she say yes? Does she lie?

 

“You don’t love Yujin?”

 

“ _Yujin_?!” Jinsoul yelps out in surprise, eyes widening. Jungeun looks at her, confused.

 

“You think—” Jinsoul coughs, “You think Yujin and I are dating?”

 

“You aren’t?”

 

“ **No**. She loves—”

 

And it’s like time freezes as Jinsoul feels her blood run cold.

 

**Shit.**

 

…

 

“ _Shit_ ,” Jungeun whispers, sitting back against the seat before letting out an emotionless chuckle, “I should’ve known.”

 

Jinsoul frowns at the girl’s tone, getting defensive over her friend, “Yujin never did anything with Bambi behind your back, if that’s what you’re thinking. She would never—”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Jungeun cuts her off, “I meant I should’ve known Yujin loved her. If I had known then I wouldn’t have gone on the first date with Bambi.”

 

A shake of the head, “Sorry, you didn’t sign up to hear me ramble on like this,” she gets up from the table and Jinsoul follows, “it’s late. I’ll just go stay at Hyunjin’s place.”

 

“Wait,” Jinsoul reaches out to grab Jungeun’s wrist, keeping her from walking out the door, “you can stay here. It’s late and if anything happens then Yujin can call me and I can… tell you… or something.”

 

“Are you sure?” Jungeun asks worriedly, “Hyunjin’s probably up watching some show, so it won’t be a—”

 

“I’m sure,” Jinsoul nods, letting go of Jungeun’s wrist because she could feel Jungeun’s pulse thumping and it made her more anxious than she’d like to admit, “you can take my room. I’ll sleep in Yujin’s.”

 

“Okay,” Jungeun hums, “thank you, Jinsoul.”

 

“There’s no need to thank me,” Jinsoul waves her off, starting to clean up the table.

 

Jungeun helps her and Jinsoul desperately tries to calm her beating heart.

 

-

 

Before Jinsoul washes up, she hands Jungeun pajamas for her to wear before disappearing into the bathroom.

 

Jungeun changes into the clothes tiredly. Afterwards, she sits down at the edge of Jinsoul’s bed. She can’t help but smile at the fact that Jinsoul still has the same blue bed sheets from high school.

 

She looks around the room, taking note of how clean it is.

 

Getting up from the bed, she walks over to Jinsoul’s desk, taking a seat and scanning the notes she has. They’re filled with information Jungeun would **never** be able to understand, along with cute little doodles Jinsoul’s drawn to help her memorize certain things.

 

However, when Jungeun looks up from the notes, her eyes are instantly drawn to something at the corner of the table.

 

A rubix cube.

 

The same rubix cube Jungeun had given her when they’d first met.

 

Jungeun picks it up with shaky hands, vision blurring with the tears building up in her eyes.

 

“Jungeun, I finished showering so if you want to— _hey, are you alright?_ ”

 

“You kept it,” Jungeun whispers, holding the rubix cube in her hand.

 

Jinsoul has to walk over to see what Jungeun’s talking about but when she sees the toy in Jungeun’s hand, she pauses, “Oh. Yeah, I did,” she tries to play it off, “why wouldn’t I?”

 

Jungeun sets it back down on its stand and gets up from the chair. She doesn’t say anything else and, instead, takes a step forward into Jinsoul’s personal space. Jinsoul nearly takes a step back until she hears Jungeun sniffle and then her mind goes into automatic ‘take care of the girl you love’ mode.

 

She wraps her arms around Jungeun’s shoulders and pulls the girl closer because Jungeun buries her face in her hands and starts to cry. Jinsoul’s heart is thumping as she tugs Jungeun closer, frowning when Jungeun’s arms come to encircle around her waist.

 

And Jungeun cries like she’s never cried before; because she just lost the person she’d consider her best friend for the last five years, because Jinsoul doesn’t **hate** her, because Jinsoul cutting off all contact with her hurt a lot more than she’d like to admit, because Jinsoul’s holding her and telling her everything’s going to be okay and Jungeun’s starting to believe her.

 

Because Jungeun’s back in the arms of the first person she’d ever felt completely and utterly comfortable with; because Jinsoul’s the physical embodiment of safety and comfort to her.

 

And Jinsoul tears up, too, because in all the years she’s known Jungeun, the only time she’s ever seen her cry **this** hard was when she had been crying over Jinsoul

 

“I’m sorry,” Jinsoul whispers. It’s an ambiguous apology, Jinsoul knows, because she should be sorry for multiple things; for ever leaving Jungeun in the first place, for not giving her an explanation, for being so selfish.

 

Jungeun doesn’t reply verbally. She tugs at Jinsoul’s body and hides her face in Jinsoul’s neck, quiet sobs still racking her body as she tries to get as close as physically possible to the older girl.

 

-

 

“Don’t look at me, I look like shit,” Jungeun mumbles before taking a step away and bringing her hands up to her face, sniffling and trying to wipe away all of her tears. She’d calm down a few minutes afterwards, though she’s still hiccuping and sniffling.

 

“You don’t,” Jinsoul replies, grabbing some tissues from her nightstand and walking back over to Jungeun, “move your hands,” she commands softly.

 

Jungeun does as she’s told and watches as Jinsoul wipes away her tears for her, holding Jungeun’s face up by tilting her chin with her thumb.

 

“Do you feel a bit better after crying?” Jinsoul asks.

 

Jungeun can’t help but laugh, “No, I feel worse.”

 

Jinsoul frowns, moving the tissue away from her face, “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

 

“I think I just need time,” Jungeun says. The words make Jinsoul freeze up and it’s a second later that Jungeun makes the connection. She shakes her head, “I don’t mean from **you**. I just meant time to heal, in general.”

 

“Ah,” Jinsoul nods, heart hammering. She goes to toss the tissue away and when she looks back, Jungeun’s picking up the rubix cube again.

 

The younger girl examines all the sides, examines the faded doodles on them.

 

“I’m surprised the marker didn’t rub off,” Jungeun says, sniffling.

 

Jinsoul bites her lip, “I never tried to solve it because I was afraid it would.”

 

Jungeun looks up at this, surprised, “For all these years?”

 

“Yeah,” Jinsoul nods, hoping she doesn’t seem pitiful or anything.

 

There had been one time that Haseul messed up the cube without knowing who had given it to her or why there for doodles on it and Jinsoul had been **seething**. She spent the next hour or two trying to solve the cube without touching any of the doodles because she didn’t want them to rub off on her fingertips.

 

“I thought you hated me,” Jungeun says after another moment of her examining the cube. She sets it down and looks at Jinsoul, who’s wide-eyed, “I blamed myself a lot for our loss of contact and wondered if it was because of something I had done. I just assumed you found better friends and didn’t need me anymore.”

 

“What?” Jinsoul breathes out, “I don’t hate you, Jungeun. Not in the slightest bit. I… I love you.”

 

“Then you have a weird freakin’ way of showing it, Jinsoul,” Jungeun retorts, going to sit down at on the bed, “most people don’t ditch the people they love.”

 

And Jinsoul wants to tell her. She wants to—she’s **always** wanted to—but not in this situation. Not when Jungeun’s **just** broken up with Bambi and not when they’ve finally interacted one-on-one after years of being on thin ice with each other.

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Jinsoul mumbles.

 

“An explanation would be nice,” Jungeun replies, “I think it’s been long-due, don’t you?”

 

“Jungeun, I **can’t** ,”

 

“Right,” Jungeun nods, lowering her head. The amount of dejection in that tone makes Jinsoul want to fall to her knees and beg for Jungeun’s forgiveness. Her heart feels like it’s caving in on itself. The brunette shakes her head, fiddling with her thumbs, “you never **can** , can you?”

 

“Don’t be like that,” Jinsoul pleads gently, tears building up in her eyes, “I don’t want to argue with you, not after everything you’ve just been through today.”

 

“Okay,” Jungeun nods again.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Jinsoul says, “it’s never been your fault. **Please** don’t blame yourself.”

 

“It’s hard not to when you run off without telling me anything and then when you still refuse to tell me anything,” Jungeun sighs, tone starting to morph from dejection to anger, “it’s been nearly six years, Jinsoul— **six** —and you still can’t tell me?”

 

Jinsoul’s face falls, “Do you **really** not know?”

 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I did,” Jungeun says, looking up and making eye contact with Jinsoul, whose strong demeanor is beginning to break.

 

“Yujin,” is all Jinsoul says. Jungeun looks at her, eyebrows furrowed. Jinsoul takes a deep breath, “I got close to Yujin because we were in the same situation.”

 

It takes a moment, but then Jungeun’s eyes start to widen and Jinsoul feels her heart break all over again.

 

“Jinsoul…”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Jinsoul sighs, looking down at her feet, “I don’t want you to blame yourself for me feeling like this.”

 

“You know that I can’t—”

 

“I know,” Jinsoul nods, trying to hold in her tears until she’s **away** from Jungeun, “anyway, there’s an extra toothbrush in the bathroom for you. Goodnight.”

 

She hears Jungeun call for her name but she’s already in Yujin’s room the next second, closing the door behind her tightly and walking to the bed with shaky legs.

 

She told her.

 

-

 

When Yujin walks into her room the next morning, she sees Jinsoul sat on her bed, blankets bundled up around her shoulder. She looks about as devastated and heartbroken as Bambi had been last night, perhaps even **more**.

 

“Awe, sweetie,” Yujin sighs softly, walking towards her and frowning when Jinsoul breaks out into immediate tears upon feeling Yujin’s embrace.

 

“I told her,” Jinsoul says through her tears. Yujin holds her tighter.

 

“I’m proud of you,” she whispers, “it takes a lot of guts to tell someone you love them.”

 

“She rejected me,”

 

“That’s okay,” Yujin shakes her head, “I’m still proud of you.”

 

-

 

Yujin leaves after getting some new clothes, not before telling Jinsoul to keep her chin up and that she loves her. Jinsoul grunts in response and then Yujin’s gone.

 

Jinsoul sits in bed and ponders what to do. She’s **pretty sure** Jungeun’s still asleep because she hasn’t heard the door open and it scares her to death just thinking about making eye contact with the other girl after what had happened last night.

 

Everything’s out in the open now. Jinsoul told her. Jungeun knows why she’s been acting so distant for years and Jinsoul wonders if telling her had been the right thing to do. Perhaps she should’ve lied and came up with some other situation; maybe if she had—

 

_Knock, knock._

 

“Jinsoul? Can I come in?”

 

_Shit._

 

Jinsoul wipes her cheeks and clears her throat, “Yeah.”

 

Jungeun opens the door slowly and walks in cautiously. She takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

 

“Did you sleep **at all**?” Jungeun asks worriedly. Jinsoul shakes her head weakly.

 

“I couldn’t,” she answers.

 

Jungeun takes a deep breath and wonders how she should approach the situation. Jinsoul confessing to her had been a big rollercoaster of emotions for her; she’d been relieved to finally know the reason behind Jinsoul’s actions and yet she’d been thrown into a pool of guilt because she **never knew** and because she never knew, Jinsoul’s suffered for years and years.

 

“I’m sorry for being so fucking oblivious,” Jungeun shakes her head shamefully, “there had been times where I thought about it… but I’d always second-guess myself because it seemed too ridiculous.”

 

“How so?” Jinsoul asks.

 

“Because you’re Jung Jinsoul,” Jungeun replies immediately, “the girl who everybody knew and loved. It just didn’t seem realistic for you to have feelings for **me**.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Jinsoul frowns.

 

Jungeun goes silent, staring down at her lap.

 

…

 

“How come you’ve waited so long to tell me?”

 

“I didn’t want to lose you,”

 

“Well, you ended up losing me, anyway,”

 

Jinsoul stares at her helplessly, “I didn’t know that you weren’t straight and—and you were my **best friend** . I didn’t want to lose you just because I couldn’t keep a little _crush_ to myself,” she blinks away the tears, “and when it turned out not to be a _little crush_ , I panicked. I pushed you away because I thought it would make the feelings go away.”

 

“And it didn’t work,” Jungeun finishes for her.

 

Jinsoul nods tiredly, “If anything, it made them worse.”

 

Jungeun stands up suddenly, running her hands through her hair and cursing under her breath.

 

“Jungeun?” Jinsoul calls out carefully.

 

Jungeun shakes her head, “I should’ve known,” she says, mostly to herself, “I should’ve known, if I had known then you wouldn’t have had to suffer for so long. **Fuck**.”

 

Jinsoul slides out of bed and takes a small step towards Jungeun, “Hey, it’s okay.”

 

“It’s **not** okay,” Jungeun replies, tears streaming down her cheeks, “in my **entire** life, I’ve never met anyone who comes even close to you, Jinsoul. I’ve never met anyone who I’ve completely trusted with every being of my body. Bambi… Bambi’s come close but never to the extent of **you**.”

 

Silence.

 

“But I can’t date you,” Jungeun shakes her head, “not now at least. It’s too soon and I don’t think my heart can take another relationship right now.”

 

“I understand,” Jinsoul nods, trying not to seem disappointed, “I’ll always be here.”

 

Jungeun laughs humorlessly, looking at Jinsoul, “You always have,” she says sadly, “even during the times we’ve spent apart, I thought of you a lot.”

 

Jinsoul looks away, cheeks going pink, “Does this mean you’ll give me a chance?”

 

“One day,” Jungeun mumbles, “I’m not ready right now, and it wouldn’t be fair to rush into anything. I need time.”

 

“I’ve waited six years already,” Jinsoul smiles, “who’s to say I won’t wait six more?”

 

—

 

“Hello?” Jinsoul murmurs tiredly into her phone.

 

“Jung Jinsoul, if you’re still in bed right now I’m going to kick your ass.”

 

Jinsoul immediately sits up at the voice, “I’m **not** , why would you think that?”

 

Jungeun sighs, “You **promised** me you’d set an alarm!”

 

“Fuck, sorry, sorry,” Jinsoul hurries to the bathroom, “there was a sick otter and I was up all night thinking about what could be wrong with her.”

 

“... Okay, I forgive you,” Jungeun replies, “only because that’s really cute.”

 

“Shut up,” Jinsoul mumbles as she starts to brush her teeth, ignoring the mirror in front of her because she knows her whole face is tainted pink, “what time are you coming to pick me up?”

 

“I was **going to** pick you up now, but I’ll give you another fifteen minutes,” Jungeun takes an exaggerated deep breath, “I can’t believe you forgot. Jiwoo would kill you if she had a single bad bone in her body.”

 

Jinsoul spits the toothpaste out and rinses, “Jiwoo loves me and she’d be glad just to have me help her with this proposal.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungeun says, and Jinsoul can imagine her rolling her eyes, “I’ll text you when I’m on the way.”

 

“Okay, drive safe,” Jinsoul replies before they hang up.

 

When Jinsoul finishes up in the bathroom, she hurries to the kitchen to grab something quick to eat, jumping when she spots Yujin at the fridge.

 

“Hey,” Jinsoul greets when Yujin turns around, “pass me the milk?”

 

Yujin hums and hands it to her, “Going out with Jungeun?”

 

“Yeah, we’re going to help Jiwoo set up the proposal site for Sooyoung,” Jinsoul replies, pouring herself a small bowl of cereal, “she wants **a lot** of pink things.”

 

Yujin laughs and takes out a couple of eggs from the fridge, “I hope everything goes well.”

 

“Me, too,” Jinsoul responds, “what are **your** plans for the day?”

 

“Bambi wants to see this new horror movie, so I’m going with her.”

 

“You like horror movies?”

 

“No, I’m scared shitless of them,” Yujin laughs, grabbing a pan from the cupboard.

 

Jinsoul hisses out a ‘ _whipped_ ’ and Yujin sends her a death glare.

 

It’s been a couple months since the breakup between Bambi and Jungeun and it’s kind of worrying how nice things are going. Jinsoul can’t help but feel like it’s the calm before a storm, even though she knows she’s just being paranoid.

 

She and Jungeun talk daily, mostly through texts and sometimes over the phone. They see each other each week if not every other week, usually when Jinsoul’s not working and Jungeun isn’t practicing with her volleyball team. (After college volleyball, Jungeun was lucky enough to be scouted and put on a professional team.)

 

Their relationship is still blurred between the border of platonic and romantic, but Jinsoul’s okay with that. Jungeun knows how she feels and Jinsoul more or less knows how Jungeun feels—it’s just all about waiting for the right time to do anything past platonic.

 

“I’m going to go change and then leave,” Jinsoul says as she takes a spoonful of the last bits of cereal in her bowl, “have fun on your date, don’t forget to lock the door when you leave.”

 

“That was **one time**!” Yujin calls out to Jinsoul’s retreating body.

 

-

 

It’s a success, of course. Sooyoung says ‘yes’ before Jiwoo can even fully get down to one knee and Jungeun and Jinsoul laugh as Jiwoo’s pulled into a hug and twirled around. Passerbyers in the park clap and smile for the couple, who are smiling brightly, ear-to-ear.

 

“Mission accomplished,” Jungeun says from next to Jinsoul.

 

Jinsoul grins, “They’re really good together,” she states.

 

“They are,” Jungeun hums, “now it’s just Hyunjin and Heejin’s turn.”

 

Jinsoul’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, “They’re dating?”

 

Jungeun gives her a look, “You’re shitting me, right?”

 

“What? I thought they were just close friends… they always just joked around.”

 

“They’ve been dating since **high school** ,” Jungeun states, “I thought I was the oblivious one?”

 

“Oh, shut up!”

 

—

 

Jinsoul meets Haseul’s girlfriend at Sooyoung and Jiwoo’s engagement party almost two months later. To say the least, Jinsoul’s overjoyed to finally meet the girl Haseul’s spent the past few months texting her in all-caps about. She’s just as cute and sweet and kind as Haseul’s three in the morning texts had said she was, and Jinsoul’s glad.

 

Haseul had been so busy helping Jinsoul with her feelings that Jinsoul felt bad about it; and so she did everything she could when Haseul told her about the cute pink-haired girl who works at the company’s front desk.

 

(This includes teasing the **hell** out of Haseul for having a crush.)

 

Jinsoul hyped up Haseul every time she wanted to talk to Kahei, complimenting her and helping her choose outfits for dates. Jinsoul called Haseul after every date and smiled and laughed at how infatuated her friend was.

 

Seeing her friend so happy makes Jinsoul happy, and maybe that’s why she pulls Kahei into a hug as soon as she sees her. Thankfully, Kahei smiles and hugs her right back.

 

“I’d give you the obligatory ‘hurt my friend and I’ll hurt you’ speech, but I don’t think we have to worry about that,” Jinsoul winks at her and Haseul shoves her.

 

“Go away!” she whines, making both her girlfriend and her friend laugh.

 

“Fine! I’ll go somewhere where my presence is welcomed,” Jinsoul looks around and spots Jungeun talking to Bambi alone. Their conversation doesn’t seem to be any more serious than it is awkward and Jinsoul’s surprised to see the two of them hug. They both wipe away tears at the corners of their eyes and laugh and Jinsoul thinks it’s nice for the two of them to be on friendly terms.

 

She walks over to where Jiwoo and Sooyoung are, smiling when Jiwoo greets her with a hug (even though they’d already hugged when Jinsoul had first arrived).

 

They fall into easy conversation and when Jinsoul feels arms wrap around her waist from behind a few minutes later, she leans back into the embrace with the smile on her face growing the tiniest bit.

 

-

 

“Jiwoo’s never drunk an ounce of alcohol in her life, has she?” Jinsoul asks as she and Jungeun walk to her car.

 

Jungeun laughs and shakes her head, “Not at all.”

 

“Good luck to her tomorrow morning,” Jinsoul chuckles, holding open the passenger door for Jungeun.

 

Jinsoul drives Jungeun to her apartment as they talk about that night’s events.

 

“I saw you and Bambi talking,” Jinsoul brings up as they turn onto Jungeun’s street, “you two are on good terms now?”

 

Jungeun hums, “I don’t think we were ever on **bad** terms.”

 

Jinsoul smiles, “That’s good. I know you care about her a lot, even if it’s not romantically.”

 

She slows the car down to a stop just in front of Jungeun’s apartment complex, “I’m glad you two are okay.”

 

“You aren’t curious about what we talked about?”

 

Jinsoul furrows her eyebrows, “I didn’t think it was any of my business.”

 

When Jungeun laughs, Jinsoul turns her head to look at her with confusion all over her face, but then she feels lips on her own and her eyes flutter close. Jungeun’s hand reaches up to rest against the side of Jinsoul’s neck as their lips slide against each other’s slowly. Jinsoul feels her whole body erupt in tiny tingles across her skin as Jungeun’s fingers tense against the sensitive skin of Jinsoul’s neck and Jinsoul feels like she’s floating.

 

Jinsoul’s eyes are still closed when Jungeun pulls away.

 

“We talked about you,” Jungeun whispers, “and Yujin; we talked about how stupid we were not to notice the most amazing girls right in front of us.”

 

Jinsoul opens her eyes and spots Jungeun staring at her with the most intense gaze she’s ever experienced.

 

…

 

“Stay the night?”

 

Jinsoul doesn’t need to be asked twice.

 

—

 

“I do,”

 

“I do,”

 

Whoops and cheers and claps ring out in an explosion of happiness as Sooyoung and Jiwoo’s lips meet. Jinsoul jumps to her feet and waves her arms around as Jungeun embarrassedly tries to calm the girl down, though she’s smiling and laughing as she does so.

 

Jinsoul wraps an arm around Jungeun’s shoulder as she cheers for Jiwoo and Sooyoung.

 

“Jesus, you’re so extra,” Jungeun shakes her head.

 

Jinsoul just grins, that same goofy grin she’s always had, and keeps cheering.

 

—

 

Nine years ago, Jinsoul wouldn’t never guessed she’d be living with Jungeun in a house they’ve saved up to buy together. Nor would she have guessed they’d be girlfriends.

 

But, alas, here they are.

 

“Hurry up, Jinsoul, we’re going to be late!” Jungeun calls from the living room.

 

She’d also never would’ve guessed that she’d ever be going on a double date with Jungeun’s ex-girlfriend and Jinsoul’s ex-one-night-stand.

 

But, alas!

 

“Coming!” Jinsoul rushes down the stairs before pausing midway and rushing back up the stairs, “I need my car keys!”

 

“I have them!” Jungeun calls out, jingling the keys in her hands.

 

“Oh!”

 

Jinsoul runs back down the stairs and she’s out of breath by the time she’s at the front door. Jungeun looks at her adoringly and moves strands of Jinsoul’s black hair away from her face.

 

“You’re too much, you know that?”

 

Jinsoul grins and leans down to place a quick kiss on Jungeun’s lips.

 

“Let’s go! We’re late!” Jinsoul says, grabbing her keys from Jungeun’s hand and dashing out the front door.

 

“H—Hey!” Jungeun calls out, “that’s not fair!”

 

Jinsoul laughs loudly and feels her chest swell up in happiness—something that’s been happening often nowadays.

 

_Everything had turned out okay._

  


**Author's Note:**

> lipsoul may have been idiots but at least they were Mature idiots!
> 
> truthfully, after rereading what i've written, i don't rly like it but then again i'm my own worst critic! so i just decided to upload it.
> 
> this was originally going to end after the '0 + 0 = 0' line but i decided to add a third part because i felt bad.
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> (come yell at me:  
> twitter: @sxftmelody  
> curiouscat: @sxftmelody)


End file.
